i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
