I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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