Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
