Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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