Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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