Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
