Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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