When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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