I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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