I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
