im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
