Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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