There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
