I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize