the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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