yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize