Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
