She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
