I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i love accidental penises.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize