ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
