Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
