just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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