is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
