it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
