he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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