Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
