oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
