Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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