My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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