I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize