Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
