Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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