It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
