I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
