ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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