alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
