hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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