i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
