I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You are the jesus of drinking
Bring me that man meat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
