Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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