she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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