thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
