Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
