Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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