My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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