I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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