dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
