I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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