pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
