A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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