The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
