I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
