i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
