Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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