I'm pants shitting drunk right now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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