Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
