I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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