So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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