***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
