we have pet lesbian snakes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
