Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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