Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
