I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
