i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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