im holly from the hills drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
