Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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