she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
