i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
