the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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