I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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