Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
