I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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