So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
