yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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